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Бесполезные изобретения в сноуборде

Интересная заметка «Злого бордера» о технических новшествах в сноубордостроении, не смог пройти мимо:)

Есть в индустрии сноуброда новинки про которые трудное не материться, например, Whip или сноуборд с тормозами. Уверен, что на самом деле все еще печальнее - многие инженерные решения, несмотря на свою высокотехнологичность, являются абсолютной чушью с точки зрения сноуборда и надеюсь никогда не увидят дневной свет. Недавно появился еще один такой проект SMARTBoard.


Вот небольшое промо-видео этого проекта. Больше всего понравились формы сноуборда - выглядит как член.

Внезапно человечество разработало технологию аналогичную применявшейся при производстве терминаторов T1000. Но пока что это концепция и возможно останется ей еще долгое время, многим (если не всем из нас) ее не увидеть в живую. Но, давайте поFunтазируем и представим, что у нас есть такая технология.

Если ты посмотрел видео то понял, что они создали технологию тройной базы (Triple Base Technology) которая изменяется по твоему желанию при помощи мобильного девайса в форме часов. Может быть это те самые часы которые позволяют звонить в 911, чтобы тебя разбудили после очередной апре-пати. Не удивлюсь, если они еще говорят время, а также в каком временном поясе ты находишься, где находится Букаро Банза, когда Джон Коннер спасет человечество и работает ли машина времени доктора Брауна.

Несомненно, что для медленного или глубокого снега ты хочешь «Мягкую широкую доску с плоским профилем». Но когда я попадаю в медленный снег, то хочу глубокий боковой вырез и жесткую доску чтобы можно было пробиваться через снег. Ширина в глубоком снегу только в плюс, ведь большая площадь это великолепно, но я предпочитаю, чтобы доска была широкая и с обратным изгибом и чтобы была жесткая, частично можно согласиться.

Далее, они говорят, что когда ты едешь по склону или хочешь пульнуть тебе необходима «Средняя ширина, слегка искривленный профиль и средняя жесткость». Думаю что отжигая на отратраченном склоне я выбрал бы узкую доску с агрессивным боковым вырезом и слегка выгнутым профилем для упрощения перекантовок. Это очень похоже на TBT и если тебе довелось кататься на TBT, то ты знаешь, как она поворачивает. То есть эта теория должна работать.

И далее начинается абсолютная чушь. Для фристайла они предлагают «Узкую жесткую доску, острый угловой профиль (Интересно, что они под этим подразумевают, может глубокий боковой вырез?)». Кто-нибудь еще думает о том, что нам не хватает такой доски? Хотел бы я посмотреть на джиббера, пытающегося выполнить пресс на ЭТОМ, может, конечно, такой и должна быть настоящая доска для фристайла, но только если ты собираешься выполнить прыжок судьбы с 30-метрового трамплина. Но ты можешь возразить, что они думали только об улучшении щелчка.

Это утверждение на их странице заставило плакать:

"Новая технология морфинга может менять форму сноуборда, чтобы адаптировать его к различным снежным условиям/предназначению." То есть полностью изменить предназначение? Интересно, если ты чикса зависающая в бэккантри, то ты сможешь превратить доску в секс-игрушку и получить наслаждение? На видео видно, что деки изначально выполнены в форме члена. Если так, то нас ожидает абсолютно новое слово в сноупорноиндустрии.

Почему люди ни бельмеса не понимающие в сноубординге всегда пытаются изобрести сноуборд? У меня есть одна идея. Может быть они все думают «Я прокатился как-то на сноуборде, я инженер, давай я изобрету ужасную бесполезную доску и буду продавать ее за 2000 баксов!» Я хотел бы встретиться с этими изобретателями, чтобы понять - что же на самом деле движет ими, когда они создают это извращение.

Источник: AngrySnowboarder
Перевод: k0ry.

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